Total insanity of the brain

New Blog Address

2008-04-04T21:06:00.002+01:00

So I have upgraded my blog now to wordpress, and it was all Erik's "fault" besides, I got kind of tired of this but still. Yeah whatever. Just wanted to link you guys so you could link it up and stuffs :) I will fix it much more and I am keeping this in case I get tired of Word Press ^.^

http://bonkvsgnu.wordpress.com

^.^

Good Day!

2008-04-03T14:24:00.002+01:00

Yes, I am fully aware of the fact that it was a long time since I wrote the last time. Terribly sorry about that but I haven't felt like writing anything special. After the concert I went to last week in Stockholm I have been kind of tired. The bands were great! All in all it was three band and first up was a Swedish band named Dead By April, they were kind of ok, though I wasn't feeling for that kind of hard metal at the moment I still jumped and was very excited that I would soon get to see two bands that just flew in from Japan and this would be their only show in Sweden! O.O

Matenrou Opera were first out and this was the band that I fell for the most when I sat at home listening to them before Jessica and I left to Stockholm. The whole concert with M.O would've been awesome if it wasn't for a stupid asshole who stood behind me and who thought that I was in his way. I also think he was protecting his girlfriend, I mean every time I started to jump and dig to the music he used his elbow to hold one of my shoulders down and when he wasn't doing that he pushed his arms hard in my back or tried penetrating my shoulders with his fingers. Stupid freak yes indeed, what was worst was the whole kicking part, when he tried to make me fall and all that. Anyways, when the other band Versailles - who were the main band for the evening entered the stage the douchebag was gone. HURRAH! So I could finally enjoy it all! Versailles were so awesome and so was Matenrou Opera.
Me and Jessica were kind of disappointed that we had booked our train tickets so that we wouldn't have time to go to the signing of the CD's BUT! Their plan was delayed so they were kind enough to do it after the show! ^.^ So now I have both bands (M.O's and Versailles's) Autographs and I am so happy! I got to thank them and take their hands! Oh mi gosh! And I thanked them so much in Japanese and awee! [insert all cute and happy emoticons]

But the concert was so much fun and the guy Jessica knew that we got to spend the night at was really nice, he had fixed our beds and he made us sandwiches when we came back and he even came to get us. Nice Man Reijo is indeed.

On Saturday it's party time! Jessica is turning 20 and I have made sure that we are invited to another party so we are combining the parties. ^.^

That's kind of all I have to tell you, I wonder if I forgot anything to mention, I sure did but whatever.

Now I will go and study some math! ^.^

Rather Strange...

2008-03-29T10:27:00.003+01:00

My room is rather clean now, I just have to do something about all the crap that lies all random in my bookshelves. Though I don't feel that I can do something smart about it and I don't want to throw away something. Damn you bookshelves! I shall conquer you and then I shall laugh you in the face!

That's my plan at the moment. I have just stepped back a few steps...Meaning I am listening to my old music, this is including both pop like Blue, 5ive and a little Michael Jackson as well, then I am listening to some Soundtracks to Rocky and Rambo and similar music. Then, we have the pile of Death Metal and Black Metal, the huge scream "songs". But I can't really complain, I am enjoying the shit out of this. ^.^ And tomorrow I am going to Stockholm with Jessica and we are going to see Matenrou Opera and Versailles it's going to be so much fun! I haven't really listened much to either of the bands but who cares? Concerts are nice! I just discovered that Miyavi is coming to Sweden this summer! First of July to be more specific, the first Japanese artist I really listened to. But I don't think there's any possibility for me to go there. I mean if I have work and all that. It costs. But I have that if Gackt or Rentrer En Soi is coming here I am fucking going whatever the cost is! But I want to see Miyavi too!! Stupid Limit of time and money.

So now that I have been strange enough this morning I will go and try rape the bookshelves.
Talk to ya all later!

Freedom!

2008-03-28T09:13:00.002+01:00

Yes I am back! Have finished the two exams now so from now on to Monday I am free!!!! I had my first exam on Tuesday and that was in Software Development Methodology, I hope I did well, at least I did my best but I can't say that I have focused much on this one. All my energy was put down to the exam we had yesterday in Economics. Yikes how boring it is and it makes no sense and if you sit and try to study to it and follow the rules and all that shit, it's still wrong, "why?" you ask? Because they felt like adding a thousand more stuffs to it! I did my best on that one too but sometimes it feels like I failed them both. I hope they are generous with the points. That way I might score something so I might make it!

After the exam yesterday, me and the fellow gang bangers : Erik, Linda and Derrick(who got his driver's license yesterday btw) took my car and went downtown to dah city! To quote Erik a bit they were Sushi virgins and to quote me I took their Sushi virginity away. star melodrama star
After the tasty sushi we went to book the tickets to see a movie! After a lot of disagreements we decided that we were going to see Spiderwick, it was very good movie I think. I thought it would suck a little cause it was so new and based on a fantasy Chronicle but I liked it so now I will go and get the books!

Now I will enjoy my day and actually clean up a bit here at home but first I will go and get some stuffs! Have a nice day ya'll! And thanks for the support all the time! Me like you long time!

Studies during Easter

2008-03-22T10:16:00.002+01:00

Yes I really don't have time to sit here and tell you all about my lovely life, but just for you my friend I shall write. It's a lovely sunny weather outside and I could sit and just stare out in the blue. It's always like that when you have something important to do. Sadly.

For the moment I am listening to Damien Rice's CD Live from the Union Chapel. Perfect music to study to in my opinion, yet I get kind of distracted when I keep dreaming back to the time last summer, at the front row seeing him live, being so happy without any particular problem that bothered me. I don't mean to sound gloomy or anything, to be honest I am really cheerful nowadays as things are taking a turn for the better. On Thursday, when the exams are over, and everything is starting over again I can feel relaxed hopefully. Yet I don't believe in those terms when you say "as soon as this is accomplished things will be good again" cause then you never live in the present. But still, having two heavy exams on your head isn't making your presence nice. But now I will keep on studying and make one step closer to get more knowledge and become more sophisticated or whatever you become when you study economics and programming.

Adios!

Feeling envy and being hurt

2008-03-19T07:31:00.003+01:00

I have noticed lately that I envy those who have found love that makes them happy. That single person to share your life with that makes every morning worth getting up for. So while I sit here and think about all the different kinds of love that I have bumped into I wonder why nothing ever works for me... People close who finds each other, people who has an ocean between them who still makes it work, people who have met, fallen in love and then had to part temporary in their life. And they still manage to keep the fire burning, the love never ends. I envy that kind of love. I hate that feeling that you're alone fighting for something that you believe in. I don't believe in "making" the other part do and feel those emotions you feel but realizing it is worse. To understand that the person you love doesn't love you back... That you in the blink of an eye got replaced.

So here I sit, all tired of the random crap that keeps on coming back, all the hurt feelings which makes me think about what "I did wrong", what could I have "done differentely"? I pretend to know the answer and thinks about the things I did wrong and keep telling myself that "I will do it differentely the next time", but do you really listen to it? I like to believe that I have learned something from this, something that I haven't discovered yet, a thing that will teach me the next time on how I should act.

At the same time you think about how far you were ready to go for the person you love, just to be closer. Even here I keep telling myself that the one I love did its best for our relationship, but in the end it wasn't enough for either of us.

I wouldn't say that I am desperate to find love, not now, not anymore. Not after all those stabs in the back. The thing I dislike with it all is that I keep on crying about this bullshit, it never ends. It doesn't matter how many times you go through this, you still get hurt.

So, with that written down I will make myself ready for school and then try and make the best out of it. I hope you all have a sunshine day! ^.^

Jollyday!

2008-03-17T15:12:00.002+01:00

After some hard consideration I have decided, and maybe along with Erik too, that we need a better study circle. And we need maybe to fix so that the whole group actually gathers up. But that's our next project, at the moment our main goal is to actually learn something and then use that knowledge for the exams. Good luck on that. But it shouldn't be that hard and seriously we have started on it right?

Now I will get back on studying, well back and back I just got home so I will start studying now.

Weekendfun!

2008-03-15T22:25:00.004+01:00

So, it's Saturday evening/night and our song for the Eurovision Song Contest is decided - Charlotte Perelli with the song Hero. I dislike that woman's eyes they are so scary and cold! Though the song is catchy and I think that we in the end will have lots of chances to make it through!

Yesterday I went to Jessica in Munkfors and spent the night there and Yikes how much fun we had! That amount of candy and bad food we had, and the feast that continued when I got home, I dislike food and candy now. Maybe it will make me more motivated now? Hopefully, and I have started to drink tea now and I watch Anime again like a maniac, well at least if you compare to before. But I have lots of things I need to focus on now, stupid school! Nothing is impossible and I shall do my best to actually learn all these things! But then we have the other exam on the next days after that... I'm screwed! >.< Iiiee! Chotto matte kudasai~! Gambatte Kudasai Ewe-chan! HAI! As a finish of today's blog entry I shall tell you all about how much better I feel nowadays. It's all going in the right direction and yes, gloomyness and other nessy things like the Loch Ness are still messing with my head but it'll all be better!

And now the last and fun news for today is following : M+B=True Hohohohohohohohohohoho! Lots of little babies is soon to come!

Me Dream guy

2008-03-13T21:32:00.002+01:00

After talking a little to Mathilda on Em Es En about what my "dream guy" would look like or how he'd be I started to think about the question itself. Even though I don't like the thought itself that you have this "checklist" when you look for the Mr.Right, but it's fun to think about the qualities you look for.
So, Mr.Right who are you in my eyes? It's always been hard to really know these kinds of things, I mean, so far I have dated really different guys... But things I like with guys is if they're tall, oh mi gosh! And since I am the cuddly/perverted girl me like hugs and lots of cuddles. *adore* awwe... I still think I am that kind of person who likes attention. Give me Give me! But then again I don't want to be the ONLY person in his life. Of course a sense of humor but still being able to be serious at the right moments.

Note... this is NOT any kind of dating add! This is really getting kind of unfocused so just take it all with a pinch of salt.

Good night lovely people ^.^

Nostalgic

2008-03-12T17:05:00.003+01:00

Limping is rather fun, or not. But the backside of my left thigh is much better today, thankfully. One day I shall do this again just to show people that I actually can split. ^.^ I mean when it comes to spreading I'm one of the best. That is why splitting is rather interesting. Enough about that...

So what have I done on a lovely rainy day like today? To sum it all up into a few words I've been to school. Programming all day and I don't get any smarter on it. Bastard JAVA! But I shall conquer the motha ucka! Well at least do my best and hope things will eventually fall down on its right place. Hopefully... This weekend I am heading to Munkfors again! Jessica and I will rock the apartment and it will be a good relaxing for me and she won't beat me in Mario Kart! Or whatever game we played. Reminder for myself : bring the videoplayer and also something to sleep on that isn't a huge bed.

Gosh no my Wasa Sandwich is already eaten up! Well at least I had a nice moment with it. While I enjoyed it I was watching/listening to old Disney songs and also some nice cartoons on Youtube. I feel like such a kiddo now. And I am "borrowing" The Sims from someone online.
I just remembered that Mathias will call me today and then order the tickets for the train here in June! Yay yay yay! Magnus will also fix the tickets soon. Me so happy! I have the best people as friends!
But now it's time for workouts and then also food time and on top of that it'll be a little studying before Lost and Top Model. Yes I am a sucker, I watch Top Model AND Lost.

Have a lovely day and I will talk to you all soon!

Do I need a title today?

2008-03-11T16:07:00.003+01:00

Studies are kind of boring at the moment, but I shall make it! The worst thing is the economics I think but I think that we will solve this all just great! Now that we have got a studygroup we shall kick all homeworks ass! Moahaha!

Due to some things that has been up I haven't felt like writing here that much. Good though that I have such amazing friends that makes everything much easier even though some of you make me limp. Stupid Erik. I was just trying to brag and you make me prove the things I could do! (note that I am intentionally making this sound pervert when it's not). So today I got the schedule for the math course that's coming up. [insert very in love smiley] All of the days it's 8:15 - 12:00 and we will try and make it start at 8:30 instead so I don't have to take the super early bus! ^-^

Now I have to eat some so I can go and workout. Taataah!

Work

2008-03-07T18:52:00.003+01:00

As many of you know I worked for the university during Wednesday and yesterday so I didn't have to go to class! For those who doesn't know I had to give out a lot of information for the pupils from the upper secondary schools around Värmland. I must say that I did a very good job and it was well payed and I got to talk a lot to my teachers about things that has made me unsure about continuing at the program but now I am sure I have the right thing. So that feels really nice. One thing that isn't nice is the fact that my personal bubble, my own little space got invaded yesterday. This awful deed that happened and my little bubble of privacy was all splashed and destroyed.

I am a very cuddly person who loves hugs and all ways of "touching" but then, when things happens with people I do not know very well, and they intrude on my area, I feel awful. And that something happened yesterday. I am fully aware of the fact that I have to tell the person in question about this but still. >.< "GOSH" - quote from Erik. To talk about something else Wasa Knäckebröd called me today and asked if I wanted to work for them during the weekend. Of all the weekends they have to choose this one when I am going to Gothenburg for Japanese. But they said they would try during Easter Break - a break I don't have now that I am going to the University! I hate this! >.<
Now I will go and relax and prepare for Japanese tomorrow.

A picture I took at the Kent concert a week ago I dig the hand.

In the end...

2008-03-04T21:51:00.003+01:00

I think that I can sit here and just wish that things would end up my way. That I, in the end would be able to be with the guy I love and who I would be willing to give and do so much for. But what should you do when he doesn't want it anymore - just keeping on pushing me more and more away.

I continue dreaming me away and just seeing the things I want to see, and the things I dream about. But the more and more energy I lay on this, the more and more disappointed I get. Angry at myself, disappointment too. I mean come on, we're not even together anymore and still I sit and wish that it might be us anyway in the end. The thought itself makes me happy but it makes my heart hurt even more. I have no idea anymore about anything and it makes me annoyed.

If there was a song that would be able to explain all those emotions and feelings that all are boiling inside of me, it would go on repeat all the time. But I haven't found that one yet, but I've promised myself that I won't stop looking for it. Cause I actually love him...and it hurts...Too bad 'Come What May' isn't the same for him anymore like it was when him and me were us. He told me that he didn't want me to be upset... Guess what people, I don't want to be either, but I am rather that then indifferent or all blanc on emotions because me being upset/sad whatever, it shows that it meant something. That it wasn't just a fling, an adventure. I dislike people who can say that they love someone so easily. You should say it cause you mean it and feel it.

Okey. Enough meaningless rambles.

Kent

2008-03-02T20:14:00.002+01:00

Bad day

2008-03-01T16:39:00.002+01:00

Yes it's a shitty day and now I will leave you uckas for the concert and I will hopefully cheer up until then. >.<

Why shitty?

Lazy slow day
Can't find the CD's for my computer and I need them to fix the computer and cure it from all the crap it has inside. :(
I have felt bad cause I was going to delete it all. :(
I am not dressed yet for concert :(

Over and out. >.<

The Meh-Mood

2008-03-01T11:08:00.002+01:00

Okey, so lately I have been feeling rather unmotivated about things in general – didn’t want to write a blog, didn’t want to be on a diet, didn’t want to study, didn’t want to be helpful. Nothing. The past week has been strange indeed. I’m used that he doesn’t talk that much to me, so I haven’t really got an end to it all, but we have broken up… I seriously think I am in denial of some kind. I don’t want to realise that we have actually broken up, but I don’t want to see an end to it either. It wasn’t a good relationship in the long run, it wasn’t but it have given me so much that has made me stronger and actually more willing to try hard to make it work. But a relationship is a two-person-thing, mostly. You can’t just walk around and work your ass off and then the other person just sits and doesn’t help at all. Maybe it’s for the best this all that happened? Only time will tell this time, and I will just wait and see what happens. At least I am not crying every night anymore…

Tonight it’s time for my second concert with Kent! It will be fun to see them again and this time with their new songs since last time!

I am trying to find any kind of motivation to start with the dieting again and I think I will start with it all tomorrow. But it’s rather amazing that I have been cheating with the diet and all that and still I manage not to gain weight! That is rather amazing in my opinion and me soooo happy! Seriously though, I will start with it all tomorrow and then I will rock everyones socks at it!

Now I will stop writing again, I feel rather "meh" about things today, which sucks since the concert is tonight and me like to be all happy about it! I guess it has something to do with the fact that next week I will be going to Göteborg for my Japanese class and I really don't like that class. I like the homework when they are well made but the lessons gosh I dislike them. Some people are so arrogant and the teachers are just making me more insecure about myself. I hate talking in public when it's in Japanese. I mean, I don't learn things that way.

But don't you guys worry about my mood and all that, I know I will be fine I just have to find a little motivation and things will be tip top again! Promise!

The Humans are Dead!

2008-02-29T13:24:00.006+01:00

Yes affirmative. I realized I didn't have time to write a blog... xD

The fight goes on! O.O

Some things...

2008-02-28T20:12:00.002+01:00

Yes, some things in life makes me rather annoyed. One of those things are grownups who is denying some certain things that has happened in life. Or should I say that they have no clue of but trust one person more than the other. It's hard to know for sure when word stands against word but still, that's one more reason for the grownups to hear it from both sides before they decide who's "right".

I have seen and heard about so many abuses in life and when I get to hear about it today which I did from a friend, it pisses me off. But the thing that is even worse is when it's someone closer. I wish sometimes that when those things happened, that I would've been older and more aware of it all. When I see one person if I am out downtown, I really feel like walking up to that person and just hurt him. But that is wrong as well, but knowing how much a person suffered cause of him. GAH!

It felt nice to let it all out and now I will accompany my mother and watch TV with her.
Have fun ya'll!
*hugs*

EssayTime!

2008-02-26T09:18:00.002+01:00

This morning when I woke up I had these brilliant ideas what to write in a blog, it has been the same for the past two days! I can't come up with anything, makes me sad. :(

So what's new? Today I have to spend my whole day writing an essay about Design Patterns, woo hoo. But Erik is back in la Suéde after being on a weekend in England. *whisper* He had a blast. Me so jealous. But me so happy he had a good time! ^.^

At the moment I am having a cold but it's starting to get better which is brilliant! Now I have to start writing that stupid essay so I don't have to stress when Jessica arrives after lunch and later tonight when I am going to make dinner for my family! O.O

Good day!

Video Killed the Radiostar

2008-02-23T13:26:00.002+01:00

Poor mother ucka. Be killed by that, such a small thing as video, who know is killed by DVD who is soon to be killed and molested by BlueRay. Too many mother uckas...

So I had a rather good day yesterday out even though the circumstances could've been different but this is for the best. At least for now and it's good that we both agreed on this together so no one sits alone being depressed. Yes it hurts and I can't take away him or my status on communities. Don't ask me why but I just can't... Anyways. Now I am watching a good old movie that they are showing on TV today - Honey, I shrunk the kids. I don't think it needs any explanation and it's so old from late 80's - early 90's and the special effects are so adorable. I love it so it was nice to just relax in front of the TV and feel nostalgic.

Now I will study Japanese now that the movie is done and then I will maybe take a walk tonight. ^.^ Bye lovely fellas!

Break / break up

2008-02-22T17:23:00.001+01:00

Not sure what we really did but... I'm ok. Promise!

Absolutely Zero

2008-02-20T20:38:00.002+01:00

Current Status = confused... :(

For my Fans

2008-02-19T10:48:00.003+01:00

http://nwt.se/ArticlePages/200802/18/20080218200004_623/20080218200004_623.dbp.asp

only in swedish though but it's about me. star melodrama star

Listing Time!!!

2008-02-19T09:13:00.004+01:00

Things to do today:

Japanese homework
Read some economics and fix my notes
Clean up in my unorganized room
Workout tonight and before that fix dinner
Also check up information at Bredbandsbolaget for Seon - Min

Things that's coming up:

Gothenburg twice - 8/3 & 17/5
Kent concert 1/3 in Karlstad
Versailles X Matenrou Opera concert in Stockholm 30/3
Cinemas on Friday - premiere for the movie Morgan Pålsson - Världsreporter
Party on Friday with Jessica
Cutting hair soon (no date)
Countyfestival for Young Culture Meets in Deje 2-4/5 - oh yes I made it through!
June the 14th or was it 16th? star melodrama star

I know I've been talking about London too but I have school as well and now that things doesn't look that bright anymore I think I will postpone it all for now.

Make Over -feelings

2008-02-18T17:37:00.003+01:00

Yes I do need a make-over and that is soon. I started feeling the need for it awhile ago and a little of it was settled down when I started working out for real, but now - after Jessica's little make over today I need to do it too! I am thinking about it...

My urge to fix my hair started also a lot after seeing this picture from the site http://filipstad.ifolkmun.se

My hair looks like a helmet or some fucked up thing. I need to change it. >.< And I will. My hips look awfully wide too. Wonder what that picture would look like in a Widescreen TV. O.O

Cheers Darlings!

This is how I will cut my hair :

UKM

2008-02-16T15:11:00.004+01:00

The direct translation of this event would be Young Culture Meets and that is exactly what it is. Exhibitions, performances and similar stuffs like that was on the menu and I will leave soon to enjoy the menu myself. Though there's only 2 groups who performs and I think we were 3 people with stuffs for the exhibition. Less and less people every year now. Lucky me it's my last year and I don't think I will go through to the county festival this year. I will post some pictures later on my pictures later. One of my pictures ended up with dents after I have glued them up on black paper which sucked, mom and I solved that problem pretty good though as you all will see later.

I met Jessica yesterday and watched Sweeney Todd with her and my mom on the cinemas! Was the premier show and I liked the movie a lot I must say, though I was expecting something more. But you can't have it all and I sat and watched it with much pleasure as I was quietly singing along .
Jessica and I had our own little date too. Since we both are away from our boyfriends and it has been Valentine's Day we said that this was our cute lovely date. It includes lots of laughter and burps at the Kebab House and later at the movies. Ahh good times. Best Date Ever! We have booked the tickets for the concert now but the train tickets are not correct! Wrong dates and all. Jessica is worried to tears and I am angry like never before at those bastards!

I am at the moment in a quest for the song Mathias wanted, after I have listened to it I can remember it and it annoys me like hell cause I want to know now as well. From now on I will only listen to Mathias midi-files that I know includes something I know of or that he isn't asking about. That man gives me trouble in a good way. I Hate Him Not.
Now I will run along and jump onto my big pink/purple cloud and be happy cause I don't feel like dancing and I want to be happy.

Btw. Lately I have noticed guys looking at me. It's scary, maybe they want my legs! O.O Note to Ewe - "cover legs". I'm odd today, and not Odd Fredriksson Odd, I mean like goofy.

Talk to you all later!

So here's some pictures ^.^

The original pictures you can find at http://extension_japan.pixbox.se cause no one of the pictures I took were good cause of the bad lightning combined with my low quality camera. So that picture is the only from the exhibition. Down here are some of the pictures from the Welcome Dinner for the abroad Students ^.^

Randomness

2008-02-14T17:36:00.002+01:00

Today it's Valentine's Day, I'm not really that fond of this day but I think it has something to do with all the Hype around it and maybe because I am a bit jealous that I've never been able to spend the day with my loved one. Every year the same old same, but then again maybe it's good to have a day like this so that people that never get much love in their lives get something.

I don't really feel like writing today. Don't have much to say. That was a new one right?

Bye!

Bitch Update!

2008-02-13T18:06:00.003+01:00

Yes, I know it was some days ago I wrote something but I haven't had much to write about and due to the little offline time I needed I have just forgot about writing. Sorry.

So what's been up with the lady in black? This week it's been one of the better for a long time so things are starting to improve. Though the course in economics we're having is fucking odd. We had an exam in the beginning of the week and it wasn't THAT hard in my opinion but the thing we're doing now. My reaction about it is "yawn" and "wtf". But my stupid friend Erik is helping me keeping the mood up and also stopping me from concentrating. That arsehole! *fucks with buttplug* MOAHA.

Things feels better now that I've decided to keep my thoughts in a realistic way and just focus on the good stuffs. Though I am not ignoring the bad shit but see it like this, some things you can't do shit about. It'll be OK in the end for fuck sake!

Now I have to run for workout then if I have time later I will maybe write some more. Oh I have to tell you all this! O.O On March 30th I will be in Stockholm and go to a concert! It's two Japanese bands playing! Hurrah! Me and Jessica will be there and almost everything is planned already! It'll be sweet!

*runs*

Powerless

2008-02-10T00:28:00.000+01:00

I can't handle it anymore... The breakdowns, all the crying. The reason I go offline all the time is cause I don't want to nag about it all, I don't want to complain I don't want to cry anymore. But I do and with me not dealing with it I push it away for awhile and let it eat me up. Great Strategy Ewe! *4 out of 5 thumbs up for you*

I'm so fucking tired at this shit...

Rather Lame...

2008-02-06T19:59:00.000+01:00

Yes, I am. Bye

The ShitGood day

2008-02-05T16:35:00.000+01:00

This is the commercial for the new fragrance Bluff. Oh and this weekend Jessica comes home! ^.^ Yayay!

This day has in general been a rather bad one. But one certain package that came along the post car today brighten up so much! [insert red fox]. This package included two discs, DVD discs, with both music and teeny small good things, the best thing with everything was the teeny small good things that was the main reason for this package to be delivered in the first place, a package with teeny small good things including the whole first season of my new love Flight of the Conchords I just love them. Well so far I love the songs in it but I started watching a little before and giggled myself to insanity. I will watch it all night or like as much as I can!

Anyways, finally I got my photos printed though when I went to the car I dropped two out of three so I had to go back and redo them! >.< But they turned out to be rather good I don't think I'll go further to the next "competition", but it doesn't really matter. The reason I choose those pictures is cause they mean something to me and the titles says it all. The thing that isn't decided yet is whether I should have two frames one white around the picture and then a thicker one in black. Hard to decided. Now I will leave for workout.

I Am GrownUp!

2008-02-04T09:03:00.001+01:00

To hell with the Legend bullshit. I am Grown Up! I sit and drink coffee and sandwiches I have made to myself = breakfast. Yes that is grown up in my eyes. *melodrama*

Yes this is going to be depressing, but I need to write it. I'm scared. So scared that shitting my pants would be my smallest problem. So what's bugging the brain of Ewe then? What's scaring her? Mainly it's about being alone, I know I have all of you guys, being there for me, supporting me. But what I need is him, and if things turn out the wrong way I'd be so lost. I try to think positive on these things but after the past couple of nights it's hard not to cry. The thought of loosing someone you love, I can't take it. Especially when it's such strong feelings involved. I sat here thinking that HE needs a wake up call, but this morning texting Mandy, I realized that I am the one who needed it. I'm not ready to loose someone I love this much, not over such a stupid thing as distance. Cause in the long run it's the distance who's the bitch, and none of us know how we should deal with this. We deal with it in different ways, I'd blame the gender, because of the fact that he rather make it easy for himself and push me away and I won't give up. Though that has nothing to do with the genders I know but I want to blame and curse something. So Curse Them!

I know I have you boys and girls, I am so thankful for all the times you're listening to my complains and shit. I don't know how I can make it up to you all, but I won't stop until I have made it up to you guys.

All I will do now is wait. I know it'll be worth it.

Snow!

2008-02-03T11:05:00.000+01:00

Yes it has snowed for the past few days, today was not different than any other day. The snow means shoveling and since I've got a little money from it before I'll shovel later today again. The snow is both good and bad, the biggest bad thing is that I barely dare to drive when it's too much. Therefore I might not go to workout today, which sucks cause I want to but then I will workout at home instead. The music is slowly becoming mine as we speak.

Yesterday and the day before that I got a fun call from Magnus. Last night he woke me up but I didn't mind, it's always fun to talk to people who actually asks how you are and who are calling. So thank you Magnus for that, and also a thanks to Mathias for the times you have called. Don't think I forget about you that easily - give me candy and you'll be gone. *not*

So today I will continue on my list form yesterday and it's not THAT much to do, I just have to do it that's all and start with it. But now I have talked to my mom and she will help me with some things. Like she did yesterday and cut my bangs! (see picture below). I will cut the hair and then straighten it out more cause now I am going for longer hair. And if I get tired of my bangs there's always good Alice Bands. Weo Weo!

Now I will study! For real!

Check zhe Hair Outz!

Run/jogging a little today
Arrange/put up my Keyboard again
Walk zhe walk/shovel zhe show
Finish the papers with notes for Erik
Do some programming
Also some economics
Clean up in my room.
Check out zhe new haircut and color/cut zhe bangs

what's up?

2008-02-02T10:23:00.000+01:00

Run/jogging a little today
Arrange/put up my Keyboard again
Walk zhe walk/shovel zhe show
Finish the papers with notes for Erik
Do some programming
Also some economics
Clean up in my room.
Check out zhe new haircut and color/cut zhe bangs

Don't worry about me, I had a huge attack last night and it was though but I'm OK now I think. Well, not completely but it's on its way kind of, hopefully. It's nice that you people care but I will be OK, cause I have you all.

A lot on my mind...

2008-02-01T21:53:00.000+01:00

I want to feel like I am making process in this whole self-developing thing I am trying to figure out. I think I am making progress, but then a little step forward demands a huge one back it feels like. I can't take this, it's driving me bloody insane. I don't know where to go, where to turn who to turn to, no one would make things better it feels like now. It's just, too much. I feel so stupid, so stupid for sitting here and even writing this.

I will just disappear for awhile maybe or not who knows. For fuck sake just... I'll be around... maybe. Gosh...I hope this is just mood swings cause this is driving me insane.

A storm coming up

2008-01-31T21:56:00.000+01:00

Aye! The wind blows outside and I will go to bed any minute. Today I worked out for 90 minutes and I can feel it and afterwards I had a nice little short talk to Mathias and Tati aaaand Magnus! ^.^ Me likey them a lot.

Today I felt rather pretty, though I didn't took any pictures, but they will come! Maybe. If I feel like it. I like showing my legs, a lot. Haha. Anyways...I am now going to bed and tomorrow I will write a lot about how I am trying to work on myself and my wellbeing. I can't take this anymore, I need to develop and turn into that person I feel comfortable with. To be honest I am slowly succeeding but I shouldn't hope too much. Will do my best and then maybe we'll see what have happened.

I have called Wasa and I am on their list and hopefully I will be able to get a job there for the summer. ==== lots of cash.
Tomorrow I will count my money and look over my moneyplans and hopefully I will be able to go to London in May. Nice to be there over Spring a little, and with the guy. My guy!

Speaking of him, gosh I miss him. :( Why does it has to cost so much to call him! That asshole thought I would call him btw this weekend after 10 minutes when I meant 10pm. So he didn't answered when I called. Asshole and I was so pissed off at him for it. PMS-ogre yes indeed.

Good night now!

Adios!

2008-01-30T18:57:00.000+01:00

Well not like good bye or anything, I am just going to be off a little the next couple of days. Again. The reason this time is that I will need to get a grip of things, I feel lazy and ugly. Yes I will celebrate a thing today with cake, but then I will stop this for 2 weeks then a new celebration will take place. Yatti Yatta. And the thing I am celebrating today is that I made those two exams I did like 2 weeks ago. The programming I passed with like 2.5 points and this one I made it to the highest grade. Me so happy! ^.^

I am also working with fixing the layout on this site so it'll become more Eweish. And now I will go out for a walk! O.O Then re-write my papers so that my fellow Eriku-san can get something in his head. Upperhead that is, not downhead. Eriku-san touched Krille-san's thighs today in the middle of class! O.O it was very exciting! Yet I had to turn away my eyes to the teacher's direction, the little momin ogre!

Taataa!

Changes

2008-01-29T09:31:00.000+01:00

Yes, this can't keep on going now. This is so pathetic in my opinion. Why should I just walk around in my own shit like this? It's not that healthy you know! I need to be able to do this alone now, can't rely on others all the time. I know I can do this. (Now Magnus and Mathias sits and wonders, "what is she talking about?") ;)

But it's not that hard really, if you really want some things in life to happen they will. I know I want it so bloody much and then we're halfway through right? There's so much I want to do and want to happen. And they will happen! Why? CAUSE I SAY SO!

So today I will workout some, I will study and I will clean the room a little. I might be able to put up my Keyboard this week! I can't stand this fucking bullshit I am doing to myself. It's an end to all this. Therefore I will leave a bit. Not completely like I have done before but yeah you'll get the deal.

First up on schedule : clean room and then Japanese also call for a job during summer and check up the books for school that yet hasn't arrived. >.<

Video/Song of the day!

2008-01-27T15:26:00.001+01:00

The cutest monster of all

2008-01-27T13:58:00.000+01:00

How could you not love her?

Busy but having fun

2008-01-25T17:57:00.000+01:00

Yes that is what I have been up to. Things have been really stressful now that two new courses have started and it's so much to do in each of them and the books never arrives either which is making me more and more stressed. I think they now have sent me at least 3 out of 4 books. Too bad it wasn't THE one book I felt I really needed at the moment. I'll come up with something, hopefully. The book that's delayed is the one we're using in the course about programming methods for development. If you consider how bad I felt about the previous programming course I really like this one! Mentioning the programming I passed the exam too! I was so shocked and so relieved that I succeeded - 2.5 points over the passing limit is darn close but it's over!

So last night it was a Welcome Dinner at K6 in Karlstad, this was all for the abroad students and it was so fun! Getting to know more people and seeing those "stereotypes" and the "non-stereotypes" I'm telling you all, it was so nice. Too bad I couldn't have followed them out to the next place. One of the hosts I am hosting with in the same group -Mou has offered me a place to stay at the next time so I don't have to take the car and can sleep at her place! She doesn't even know me but offers that, I was so happy. So the next time I will go out and have lots of fun with them! Many of the aboradlings are so fun and so unique. And yes Mathias, they were really pretty and hawt too. star melodrama star I'm so happy that I decided to participate on all this. Next semester I will also try and really get into this and participate even more!

Now it's dinnertime so I am off now cutiepies! You all make me so happy! Some of you that is!

I am the new MacGyver

2008-01-23T10:27:00.000+01:00

Yes it is true, at least the magical feeling of him approaching his new struggles. The way he manage to get pass every obstacle, I adore him. Well not really, I don't really feel like I am the new MacGyver, it was more like a figure of speech.

To talk really clear about these things, I have now officially moved on from things. I can feel it for real now and it is awesome. I just felt like telling you guys that. Though I have already told many of you readers about it.

Now I will go to my second class today. Then I will head home for my appointment at the dentist. Maybe go workout later too. ^.^

Adios now Amigos ^.^

Dwelling the past...

2008-01-22T10:11:00.000+01:00

I don't want to do that anymore, I can't imagine how much I have nagged about this for you guys. I am now actually hoping that I am moving forward, my feelings about this all have kind of changed. I hope.

I realized that I am a fool for thinking things will be good in June, what is actually stopping me from feeling good again right now? It's a long way left but I feel that I might be able to move on now. I tell myself that at least. I might change my mind but I don't want to now. I want to make progress and I want to be the good ol' bastard Ewe. star shiftyeyes star

Now I will start drawing again. I have been looking forward to that. ^.^

The clearest memory I have from when we met was when we had to part...

The night it all went away

2008-01-21T09:43:00.000+01:00

I'm not so sure about the fact that it's completely gone but at least I got to say a lot of the things I've had on my mind. It even took place on the same places, just a few different people but the main characters were in it and I got to scream, and I yelled and I was so pissed off. So it was a nice and good way to feel a bit easier with everything going on. I feel this calm feelings inside, it is really nice. And guess what! Yesterday I started reading a book! A book that I don't have to read cause of school, a book that I wanted to read. Was quite some time now since I did that.

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis.

Adios!

The hard Dilemma

2008-01-19T22:31:00.000+01:00

I have a friend, lets call him Mathias. He's one of those guys who can sit and wonder for hours if he should buy pizza on a faithful Saturday Night like this.

My Dilemma of the evening and the past few days now have been around the exhibition - young culture meeting thingie. So now I sit here with some photos with potential and I can't mix them and match them. It makes me go crazy...

Now I will sit and stare. ^.^

The story about being genuinely Happy

2008-01-17T12:50:00.000+01:00

After writing this blog and deleting it I will now write this blog entrance once and for all. As I have told at least Mathias already my mood today has been up and down, that is no lie. It's also very frustrating to feel it too, but maybe it's all the stress. Everything starts to feel better, more and more especially now that I today got involved with the abroad students. I gave one guy from Canada, a banana and a Wasa-sandwich, my good banana! *cries* The reason to this gesture was cause he told me he had barely eaten due to the trip and he didn't know anyone else so I felt responsible over him. Good that I wasn't a guy asking a girl "If you want to you can have my banana."

To talk serious business here, I am waiting for the meeting with the Student guide so I have been sitting here in an empty cafeteria for 3 hours soon. Thank you lord for giving me the brain to bring a computer. I am a little worried though cause of the waiting later to 7 pm. Going to meet up with the abroad students in my group and my two co-hosts. Can't wait! Then we are going back to Campus to party a little and then I will be heading home around 9 or maybe 9.30. We'll see. I want to stay and hang out with them and get to know them.

Tomorrow I am going to visit Jessica at her new place in Munkfors. Staying to Saturday, then I know I will be home all relaxed and just enjoying the evening. Gosh I want a banana now! Where is Mathias when you need him? "blush"

Well I should get going I guess I hope the bitch is nice. <.<>

Me like you long time Punani!

Dancing on clouds

2008-01-16T10:37:00.000+01:00

I made if through the night. Now I am in a party mood and I have to study, but maybe that is good? At least I will have the energy for it always a plus I guess. Erik promised he'd be at my service today if I needed help. star melodrama star you gotta love friends like that. ^.^

From having a kind of a strange evening last night I have now this calmness inside. A feeling that makes pieces fall back in place (you want a piece of me?) ^_______^ I am now looking forward to tomorrow when I have finished studying and my exam will be soon to be over. When I get to have the meeting about my future in school, what I can choose to do, what I can do about my studying abroad plans. We'll see what happens. Anyways, after the meeting I might get to meet up with the students from abroad! Get to know them a little and just have a good time. It's good cause I can choose when to leave back to home since I have the car then.

But now I will study for real - after fixing my hair.

If one fly away there's always ten staying. - To my lovely friends

Exams 1 out of 2

2008-01-15T13:08:00.000+01:00

Today I have had one of the two exams. Now I will study for the next one. BUT! I can tell you all that now I have got an appointment with the students council on Thursday after the other exam. I can't wait for that one! Maybe then after that I will be meeting up with the abroad students and going to meet them for the first time! Yay!

Now I should study. But it's really nice to just sit and relax your head for a little bit too. Talk to you guys later!

Buh bye!

Happy Birthday to Mos!

2008-01-14T10:32:00.000+01:00

Today, my first real best friend has her birthday. My little darling is now 20! - and here I sit, only 19 years 1 month and 14 days. >.< But she is so wise, like an owl so her age suits her!
So a huge happy birthday to my lovely Alma/Mos. *giggle*

Now I have to study. >.<>.< But I will do my best! And now I have taken some photographies! Will take the ones I like and bring them to my old art teacher on Friday and let her help me decide which picture to take!

Happy Birthday once again my little mos!

//Ewelina

Creative

2008-01-12T13:51:00.000+01:00

Yes. I am starting to feel it again, I want to create things again. I even woke up early today to be able to go out and take lots of photos. Stupid raining! I wasn't able to go out and photos. Today I also have to really study hard. I want to pass these two exams I really do - who doesn't want to pass an exam? "okej"

I think I will make a painting today. I really feel like it. Will check out some stuffs online after inspiration and then paint some. But I have plenty of inspiration already though. All is Ciaran's fault, it's also Mathias, Magnus, Tatjana and Sarah's fault (and many other) . Many of you are responsible for my inspiration really. Some may just say that that is crazyness, but it's not crazyness for me. Some of you say things that inspires me, I admire you all for you strength and passion for things that makes you all special. You are all precious to me. And that is why I am willing to live all alone, with the knowledge you'd all be there when I am going online. When the time is here, we'd all be seeing each other and just have a blast!

Today's Word of Wisdom is something I am going to start on here. Today it is from a little Midget who's name is Sarah:

"You're just a hop skip and a jump away from him in global perspective."

Song of today: Aerosmith - Crying

Awe

2008-01-10T21:30:00.000+01:00

Kiss of a Rose

2008-01-08T15:08:00.000+01:00

It's a hard feeling. All that's inside and all the things around. I can't focus and I don't know what's wrong. I just don't, so I start finding the wrong things in my life that aren't such a big deal. Drama Queen, yup probably. But many of the things that I find are important in a way too. I think, I feel the way I do just cause I'm scared, this unsure feeling. Mixed with this feeling that what I'm feeling is wrong, or an ugly feeling, despicable. And I do feel so just cause of the reaction and all the drama that happened around it. I have to move on, I can't do anything, I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't care cause the people I want in my life are there. Why nag about those people who left?

I'm gone for a little more just to figure out more things. But what I do know is that I've been unfair, but at the same time I've been treated with much unfairness as well. Things like that has to be solved before I can start feeling the way I want to. It's like this roller-coaster, sometimes I'm so sure what I need to do for me and other times I am so unsure it just beats me down.

And I choose to talk with some people more than others, please understand that it has nothing to do with the person in question nor about the trust I have in that person. I just need some cause I know I need them.

Ciaran, dai suki!!! ~Note, has nothing to do with suckie all night long~

I won't ruin things that means something.
That has a meaning for me.
People that has "sex" as their thing. ;)
People that brings out the fun in you.
Those few that are priority always.
My crew. My VIP-crowd.

Wow...that wasn't ego at all ;)

101 blog entries

2008-01-07T10:36:00.000+01:00

Due to some other things in my life I am now choosing to go offline a couple of days. I might be on msn some time but don't count on it. I'll write here on my blog and to all of you people that I called sucker, don't take it personally. I'm just a bit sick and tired of shit. Sorry if you took it bad.

Don't worry about me. Seriously, this is just temporary.

A break

2008-01-06T17:55:00.000+01:00

Due to the lack of comments I won't write anything more for a while now. Suckers.

mé grá sibh

2008-01-05T16:23:00.000+01:00

It's the first thing I've taught myself in Irish.

Mé Grá Sibh - I love you
(directly translated I think)

Tá mé i ngrá leat
(this is the best way I think)

I want to be proud
Those few times
That I look at myself
For real in the mirror

I can do this. I know I can. I'll cheer for myself.
I can be anyone I want to be.
I can be perfect in the ending too.

One night

2008-01-05T00:02:00.000+01:00

I have now spent some hours with Mathias on skype. This is what happens.

Partying

2008-01-04T10:53:00.000+01:00

Yes, I've mentioned to some of you that when I was at that party on New Year's Eve, I later got an invitation to a guy who also were at the party. That party is this weekend, not sure if it was tonight or tomorrow anyways, I will not go.

I don't know anyone there I think.
I don't have anyone to go with.
I think that guys seems to be wanting more. I don't want to throw away things with Ciaran for something silly as that. Besides, that guy, Björn would be a fun friend only.

I really love my new sweater. It's just a regular one but it feels so good and makes me look a little skinnier than I am. Woo hoo! I stood on the scale today and I can only say that I am happy I have bought that workout card that'll last to week 22. I have also decided to decrease my food amount, can't eat like a horse anymore.

What else will happen? Well, to tell you the truth I will study today, for real. I will at least read through my notes and I think that is a good start. And I will definitely email my student council today and ask them out about what my options are if I want to do something else. I have to have figured it out before 1st of February as well. I will make this cause this is what I want. And I want it for me, the rest that comes along will be a bonus. Totally. And if I move you have to come to visit me! ^.^

Back to work now. I'm super, thanks for asking ;)
// Ewelina

Lovely day!

2008-01-03T10:41:00.000+01:00

I've found the most comfortable sweater in the world and I got it on sale so it was cheap as well. A dark blue sweater which looks perfect with a white top under it. Happiness are overwhelming me at the moment. I miss Ciaran though, a lot. I've tried writing him a letter but it just end up with me rambling and trust me, sometimes that can be a baaaad thing.
(NOTE: it's not pervy at all. Seriously.)

So today I am going to shovel a lot of snow cause it's been snowing a lot today, it's now more than 10 centimeters outside. Lovely indeed! It's kind of amazing though how you could feel so good again, just like this. I nowadays even feel like writing stuffs, then again I have nothing to write. I never succeeded in writing stories as a kiddo and poems, I suck so badly at them. But blogs and meaningless text messages I am awesome at.

I wonder which artist I show up among if you google them. (NOTE: See Magnus Bodén's blog or just google on Britney Spears) Hilarious. Yet I was too lazy to check through all the 10000 pages of Britney so I narrowed the search to simply "Britney Spears Blaeffo".

Now I will do something more creative than this, it just stopped snowing so I guess I will be outside if you are searching me. *melodrama*

Toodles!

(NOTE: Hi Sarah btw) *shiftyeyes*

An Achivement

2008-01-02T11:04:00.000+01:00

What can I say, in a couple of days I have gone from this sad and unsure girl to someone who actually starts to feel good about herself again. Yay me.

I won't write a sum up of the year 2007 and I won't write tops and downs about the year in general. I'm only looking forward and today I will check up new courses to take at uni and also write some emails to the people that can help me come closer to my goals!

I love my hair today. So I have to show it to you. I have done nothing with it and it feels niiice.

Happy New Year

2007-12-31T17:16:00.000+01:00

For a while now, I’ve been really out of shape and haven’t been able to focus at all on things. Important things. Yesterday was the same as every other night lately, thoughts that wandered away to uncomfortable thoughts and me ending up crying until I sit there on my bed shaking. All messed up. I hate it every time it happens, but I love the days afterwards. Even though I end up sleeping a bit longer than I use to I feel better, so relieved.

I don’t want you to worry about me, I have done this before and I know deep inside it’ll pass. Just give me time and I promise I’ll do my best.

The major thing to my recent mood swings is the realisation of my newly found loneliness. I know I have all the great people online like you, so many of you are more than online friends even though I haven’t met you yet. You make me feel at ease and that I am welcomed. Thank you. But, the people I thought were my friends, that I hung out with so often before, they doesn’t even care anymore. And the ones that cares are about 300kms away. As a kiddo I didn’t have much friends, but it wasn’t bothering me cause I enjoyed it and I enjoyed just being with boys on the school breaks. I remember my teachers telling me and my mother that I should play with the girls and participate with them more. But I didn’t really cared. Anyways, what I want to tell you is that even though I was a really independent child most of it have developed into a less independent woman who sometimes wants to hang out with friends. Still I would dare to call myself independent because even though I can feel loneliness I still manage to have some few people I like talking to. Which is good, because being all alone in a class of about 30 people is an awkward feeling. But I will never give up, I want to finish this first year and now already I am checking up other things to study. Though I have no idea what to do with my life I know I want to study math and things like that. Call me crazy but I enjoy solving math equations. So that is my plans for the future at the moment.

I want to release myself from this unsure person I am at the moment, I know how to do it a little. I have done this before so I know partly what to do. I can’t live in this shell anymore, I don’t want to lock people out and I don’t want to push the most important ones away. The ones that care are still by my side, and I realize it more and more. Thank you all.

So now I am going finish this year of 2007 with a smile on my face and I know that year 2008 will bring me closer to many of you guys and I can’t wait until I get to meet you all.

Good things in 2008 to come

Ewe’s Summer Cottage meeting in June
Movienight with a certain monkey that isn’t decided yet xD
The little Midget from the States arrival
Assisting Host for the abroad Students at Karlstad’s University
Kent Concert in March
Some festival maybe? Planning on Peace and Love but maybe StorsjöYran?
Someone might come here this summer.

Just give me time everyone, and I just feel a little left out but I feel also that this time it's my turn to give myself the time off and just come back when I am ready for it.

Jaa

2007-12-29T10:38:00.000+01:00

I remember when Kim told me about this documentary - The Secret. After watching like 30 minutes things felt a little bit encouraging and actually good again. But what can you say huh? It feels like I am right back down again. I hate it. I guess some people might be a little worried while some also sits there with a grin on their face. Hope you are happy and all satisfied now. I hope it felt as good for you as it was to me.

I just need things to put me back on track again. Please.

Your's Sincerely
//Ewelina

Shopping!

2007-12-27T22:05:00.000+01:00

Shopping makes me happy. And yes I would've loved to tell you all about my day but I have a headache so I won't.

My new outfit. ^.^ It's pink, not red as it looks like here...

Christmas Eve!

2007-12-24T17:03:00.001+01:00

Well I will only upload the picture I have done partly to Ciaran as a Christmas gift.

I love you Ciaran.

And of course I kind of like you others too. No matter what have happened between us I know you will always be there.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2007-12-23T23:57:00.000+01:00

I hope you all will have a lovely Christmas and that the celebrations of it will be what you expected if not better.

I just wanted to say that and take care of yourselves and your families.

Lots of Love, or Lol as we can say to be hip.

yours sincerely

Ewelina with dah Äwe sound

To Mathias since I couldn't find a proper gift *melodrama*

I just wanna hold you close

2007-12-23T10:53:00.000+01:00

So, today is the day before Christmas Eve and things feel so lovely. Even though there's not as much Christmas spirit as I would've wanted to feel but it'll come. Eventually.

What am I doing of importance at the moment then? I just ordered a phonecard so I can call Ciaran tomorrow on Christmas Eve. And now I will make sure everything is ready for tomorrow and eventually I will write a mail to the international Students.

Bye for now :) and merry Christmas!
--------------------

Now I am back again to just start writing again. But once again I feel like...meh!

The day of happenings...

2007-12-22T22:53:00.001+01:00

Yes indeed, today a lot of meaningful things happened. I bought a sallad. *shiftyeyes*

The End

I need you guys

2007-12-20T22:44:00.000+01:00

You know who you are. And Soon it's summer! O.O

Summerhouse - 08

The new Ibiza maybe!

The Secret

2007-12-20T12:45:00.000+01:00

Ok, here's the thing. I called Kim yesterday for Mathias, this while I was talking to Mathias through Skype and with Tati on MSN. Huge confusion. Anyways, Kim mentioned a documentary named The Secret and he recommend it pretty much, that it had changed his thinking about life to the positive. I got really curious and wanted to check it up, which I did. *shiftyeyes* Youtube have the whole documentary and I will check the last parts when I get home tonight. I am not quiet buying all the concept but it made me think about things in another way - to the better of course.

Today when I woke up I didn't think about things like: it's going to be a long day or it's boring to go to school when you can be at home. I just thought about the fact that I am going to drive the car and that it will soon be Christmas. Then all of a sudden a good song started to play on the radio and it made me all warm inside. *ahh* And it was NOT the "I want to shag you and hump you hard and all night long" with Rappers for bootay. *shiftyeyes* If that song even exist.

Now I will study and program and finish up this stuff. I am now trying to focus on the good things and be aware of the bad but still try and focus on what I want in life.

I can't wait for summer, I hope you guys can make it here. I should fix some music out there. *shiftyeyes*

The big Question

2007-12-18T16:16:00.000+01:00

Do i want the dress or don't i?
I sneaked my phone into the fitting room and took a pic cause i couldn't decide!

Swenglish hour!

2007-12-17T22:17:00.000+01:00

[22:06:07] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
your skitsnygg (adore)

[22:07:04] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
your so cute its helt otroligt

[22:10:44] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
min stora karlek

[22:12:08] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
gullig pie

[22:14:36] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
ewe i am hopplös in love with u

[22:16:48] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
nat is a svartsjuk ful bitch

22:20:36] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
tell mandy vi ses

[22:23:00] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
jag beklagar

[22:27:33] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
i kärlek you

[22:28:19] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
your a kuk

[22:29:51] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
i am misstag

[22:34:57] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
I hetaste laget

[22:37:13] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
Sweden is better then Storbritannien

[22:37:54] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
ewe is a gubbsjuk

[22:38:28] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
värsta brud

[22:40:18] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
i thought u would think it to be jävla dum

[22:43:17] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
ewe has a ont i halsen cus she sucks of so many guys

[22:45:14] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
besvikelse me leaving

[22:45:43] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
förlorare

Cold and School

2007-12-17T09:51:00.000+01:00

Well that is what you can say about the little situation I am in. The cold has turned into more of a cold one...Like coughs and throat is sore. Yet I have to study and I also have to fix with the Christmas things too. But I think I will manage right on time. Other than that I don't have much to say. Will be busy in school but on Wednesday I get a day off. Hurrah! star happytears star

Now I better get going. Just wanted to say hi. ^.^

I kinda like him

2007-12-16T13:44:00.000+01:00

Yeah it's true. I have never felt like this, this strongly. Yes I have been in love but not like this. It's the first time I have really been considering on moving together with someone. I know many of you feel like "wtf, you have only met once. Shut the fuck up bitch and go to bed." It can't be helped I want to be closer to him...I want that now... :(

A little down day today I fear. :(

Elfs!

2007-12-15T17:55:00.000+01:00

This is all Thessy and Tati's fault.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1425797774 http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1426134696

Pain...

2007-12-13T16:38:00.000+01:00

I am soon going to delete my shoulders from my body and insert a new fun thing. It would be awesome, anything that could take away this fucking pain would do....

About things...

2007-12-11T15:25:00.000+01:00

As most of you readers know, the trip to London had its highlights and its really dark moments. Sadly. I met Ciaran and that was so wonderful, it was so sad that he had to leave earlier but the date in Hyde Park, the walk around town, taken from a movie, my favorite movie of all times. I am going to check up once again about studying abroad. Who really cares where I go?

The worst thing that could ever happen was that I lost my best friend, Nathalie. I can't with words explain how sorry I am for the things that happened. However, I can't make things undone, I can't do magical wonders. I broke the promise we made. And I am truly sorry. I won't even have this discussion like this, now I have said this that needed to be said and that's about all I can do. And since it seems according to your blog that you have already made up your mind I guess this is goodbye. :(

London Tomorrow

2007-12-05T16:04:00.000+01:00

Yes in 24 hours me and Nathalie will be sitting on the plane on our way to London. I can't wait, I am so excited about it all! I shall also remember now and welcome Nathalie as a new reader of my blog. Welcome. *bows and nods*

There. Now I have to finish up these things. Adios!

Happy Birthday to me

2007-12-03T08:49:00.000+01:00

Yes this weekend it was my birthday. My 19th one. Believe me, I had a good time. Even though some people ignored the fact that their friend had asked them to join her for a lunch out just to hang out. Well, I guess it's not important to some people. Fuck that now. I will tell you guys now what a great birthday I had. Thanks to many of you.

It feels so nice to just look at your communities' page and see all the happy birthday wishes. It feels so good every time. Then this year was special too cause of the fact I have got skype now so some people (you know who you are) even sang to me. In each language. *happytears* You guys are truly the best.

So what did I get?

a CD Kent - Tillbaka till Samtiden
some money as usual (some even in pound!)
a pyjamas for the London trip
a snicker bar
a box of chocolate
Final Fantasy XII
Rocky Balboa (the last Rocky-movie)
2 mix tapes from Nathalie for my car which doesn't have a CD-player yet
2 figurines in clay from Nathalie. A sheep named Bonkel Konkel and a lucky charm shaped as a dick. *lol*
I got from my friend Alma a painting of me. I remember so well when she did it. Awe ^,^
That's all but I will get a hug from Ciaran too <3

I thank you all for the birthday wishes through textmessages and voiceclips and Skypieskype. You are the best for me!

Things

2007-11-29T15:14:00.000+01:00

I just realized today that I will have to work hard for some days now to finish up some work that needs to be done before the trip to London. I have at least one assignment in programming, that one has its deadline on Friday next week and I am half through it. So I will work with that after this blog. Then there's another programming thing that needs to be done to the week after that. Seriously I think the whole programming for beginners is waaaay out of control. By that I mean the following; our two teachers says different things - which one should we listen to? They never let us know much things, they expects us to understand all these strange expressions and so on. I mean, yes I have done programming before last year but I am experiencing the same problems here. I have a hard time learning it. Cause when the teachers explains the examples I understand right away but if I have to sit and make one my own way...I am totally numb. I don't know how to solve it. I understand what the program should do and such but I just can't do it. This is really frustrating...

Then we also have this group work that I have to get starting. It's always hard in the beginning but once we are through that stage things will, hopefully, go smoothly.

Now I will study some and if I am cranky when you are talking to me it's just not going my way.
You guys are the best! ^,^ - better than many of my "friends" around here. :/ fuckers.

Dentist

2007-11-28T15:42:00.000+01:00

Yes that is the place I am going to now. ^,^ I'll update this later if I feel like it. :)

*hugs*

Soooooon

2007-11-26T18:41:00.000+01:00

So, I just found out that I passed my Japanese exam and I am so relieved and happy. All those feelings I felt before are gone, at least to 60 %. But I am still kind of disappointed at my "friends" that can't make up their mind about coming or not. What annoys me is the fact that they first tell me that they are available on one date, and then when I am setting that date, I have to hear from someone else that the person can't come. And she hasn't told me yet that she isn't coming. I just think it's so bad of them.

Anyways, thing in life are feeling much better. Even though I have been eating some delicious things I have been baking this weekend I feel good. Though now I will keep up until my birthday and then I will await London. Only a few more days and then we are off Nathalie! WOOHOO!

Damien Rice - Eskimo

If I am not here...

2007-11-24T09:57:00.000+01:00

If I am not here when you read this I might be doing the following stuffs; out for a 12 km walk, helping mom to bake cakes and such for my birthday, doing Japanese, doing programming or I might be cleaning.

So I will talk to you guys as soon as I can. ^.^ You guys are the cutest really! ^.^

Bye bye!

star mwah star

A blog to the people...

2007-11-19T20:04:00.000+01:00

...who might have lost something or someone close to them. I feel for you. I just wanted you to know that *hugs you all*

Untitled

2007-11-18T14:33:00.001+01:00

James Morrison - You Give Me Something

I don't know why, but I like to listen to this song. It is kind of special, no reason why really. When I start to listen to it I feel like "oh no, this song again." But then it starts and I can't stop. The same thing happens over and over again no matter how many times I listen to it. Strange...

Soon I am going to go working out. I plan to make it a two hours day today. Haven't done that before but it will be fun to see how much I can take. I feel like this is going too far from time to time. I just feel stupid at the moment...

To be explained or to explain?

2007-11-16T15:22:00.001+01:00

This blog entry is for those who doesn't understand Swedish. The article seen in the last entry was from my university, and it was taken on the day when we had an open day for girls. They want more girls in the business and therefore to the program I am studying at. And they wanted to take a picture of us cause we were the only girls left from our class. star shiftyeyes star. And just to clear some things out, I am the youngest on that picture. Some people, often called Magnus, didn't thought so at first.

So now it's supposed to be weekend for most of all people, except for me it feels like. Tomorrow I am, once again, going to Göteborg to have another class in Japanese. If things couldn't feel any worse I also have an exam tomorrow in Japanese. I have studied some but I will try a little more. I have to tape a mix-tape so I can listen to that in the car while driving to and from the train station in Karlstad. Our car doesn't have a CD-player yet. Kind of annoying but whatcha gonna do? star shrug star

^_^ Yesterday I got back my latest exam! O.O I got 24 out of 30 and it's an A! WOO HOO! ^,^ I am starting to feel like the pieces are falling back on place. And I got invited to a classparty on the 1st of December! On my birthday star hmph star I am not sure yet if I should go or not but it might be fun. ^.^

So I will see myself done with this blog for today! Adios amigos!
Love ya!

----------------------------------------

I just got an urge to really write some more, not sure about what though. Anyhow, I am going to a friend later tonight. We are having her birthday party so I won't be home tonight. Though I feel a little that it would be nice to be at home and relax. But then again, I am glad that some of my friends around here wants to see me. I have to start planning my birthday party myself. And when I say party it might only include like 3 persons xD HAHA. I wish you guys lived closer. ^.^ I want to have a huge Comms party for my next birthday. That would be awesome. ^,^ I sooo know who to invite. ;)
Oh shoot I better get this party started! O__O bye you guys take care and be good this weekend. ^_^

star waves good bye star

star melodrama star

2007-11-15T09:31:00.000+01:00

Today I decided to take the bus that goes 11:20 to school instead of the 8:15 bus. My lesson doesn't start until 13:15 so I'll manage to get there on time and just relax a little before I get there. I am really supposed to study at the moment but I don't really know what to study. Except the Japanese. It's kind of hard cause I have to learn all the signs/marks/whatever. I've managed to get almost all Hiragana in my head but still I have to learn all the Katakana signs too. star melodrama star That is going to be so big one day Mathias. We are bringing the long words back. Who wants a *melodrama* When you can have star melodrama star instead!? It's feckin awesome!

I have finished my evil masterplan too. It might be a little sneaky and shit but I need a little fun too. star tongue star I can't stop laughing at that. Stupid fishes.

I am getting in touch with the childish-Ewelina again. Or not childish but younger Ewelina, I am listening to Backstreet Boys. Hahaha. I know I am tragic. star melodrama star I can't help it. Last night I listened to Rockabilly-tracks! That was awesome I tell you all!

I really should study some at least. I wonder what we are going to do in class today. Hope it's going to be something interesting. Probably something about programming. star shiftyeyes star

Oh, by the way! My uncle was reading a newspaper yesterday and guess who was there? ME! Again. I will post the article and picture here. It's my classmates by the way. --> Look!

Snow

2007-11-13T15:38:00.000+01:00

Yes, when I started to write this blog it was snowing, I am not sure anymore if it is cause I can't see out enough well to tell.

Today I am feeling much better, something happened last night before I went to bed and I just felt happy again. No particular reason. *shrugs* I just think that I realized that I am not alone anymore. I have friends who are there for me no matter what and they try to understand me and my situation. They are the best ^.^ Thank you guys.

So, what's up now then? I am about to leave soon for workouts and then I shall just relax the whole evening cause today we finished the assignment for school which is going to be handed in next Monday! Almost a week before that is! WOO HOO! I was really happy that my teacher looked it through and said that it looked really great. I was so proud of our group, exclude one guy. star unimpressed star

What else to mention then? I can't come up with anything else so I guess I am off now.
Take care my fellow children

*Ewelina*

Chillin

2007-11-12T15:21:00.000+01:00

That's what you basicly can say that I am doing atm. Just had two toasted sandwishes with marmelade. It was perfect after a day in school. I love to come home with the 13:45 bus. ^,^ That means that I get 2 hours approx. until the rest of the family comes home.

Yesterday before I went to bed I finally got to talk with Mathias on Skype, and of course he joined in with me and Tati. *giggle* It was hilarious in my opinion. ^_^ I really needed a good laughter. Thank you both of you.

I want to thank Sarah aswell for listening to my freakin complains all the time. I so hate the fact that I am letting it all out on you. If you ever feel like I am talking to much just ask me to shut up please. *adore* I just want to say also that I can't thinking about how lovely you and Chris are together. That is one awesome relationship and I hope I can come to the wedding or like whatever you are ending up doing. *adore*

Magnus is another person that needs to be mentioned really bad. What would I have done without you. The same goes to Mandy and many others. But Magnus is always making me happy. Thank you. ^_^ I can't even with words express how much I appreciate you in my life. Thank you <3

Now I will keep on watching this crazyness. xD

See ya! ~^,^~
//Ewelina

What the hell is wrong?

2007-11-10T23:00:00.000+01:00

Why do I have to cry over things like this?

Randomness

2007-11-08T16:14:00.000+01:00

Sitting here feeling a little relaxed and most of all calm. I love it. Soon I will leave home for working out a little more. It has now gone 2 weeks without candy and bad stuffs in that category. I am rather proud of myself. I will do my best to keep this up so I might be able to loose some more kilos.

Now I am out of words and I need to visit the ladies room. *shiftyeyes* Bye bye ^_^

"Whenever dark turns to night
And all the dreams sing their song
In the daylight forever
To you I belong

I ran to you
You were there "

- B*Witched - To You I Belong

Making it work

2007-11-06T09:34:00.000+01:00

I have no idea on how I will make this work out. I am putting my soul into it and I am working so hard to understand what he is thinking. I don't know how I will cope with all this, I just want to make it work. I am going to handle this myself, I mean this is about me and him right? Yes I love it that you guys are there for me but I need to figure this out myself I think. Though I really appreciate your words of wisdoms. You are all like my little copies of Dr Phil. All bald and always something to say ^,^

I can really get annoyed at the things around this. Some of you knows what I am talking about. But if you put your heart and soul into it you can make this work and I am willing to try that out now for real.

I promise not to loose myself on the way. I truly want this, I want him, I want Ciaran. I love him.

It's about me...

2007-11-05T17:09:00.000+01:00

Yes I would have to say that it is. I don't know how to explain this either but I know it has something to do with me. I am doing my best to actually work with this but it's hard too, I need the other one in this relationship, but he seems to be drifting away. I don't want that... But as you say, there's plenty more fishes in the sea. BUT! I will not give this one up that easily. What would a relationship be if you didn't fight for each other?

I've been thinking alot these past few days and even though the things I've been thinking about isn't THAT relevant to this matter it is important too. I kind got the feeling how to think about myself a little. Like keeping myself busy with things I like and stuffs.

His thoughts are important to me but I care way too much. It's becoming a needy battle and that is my problem. Many might say that it's his turn to play the cards. It might be so. But as I've been writing before - I won't ruin this by being stubborn. I could never forgive myself for that. I will do my best to be what I want to become and I will fight for the things that matters the most.

At the graveyard

2007-11-04T12:46:00.000+01:00

Last night after I've been visiting a friend watching a movie and stuffs I didn't go home right away. Since it's been Halloween and all that the graveyard was filled with candles and it was so beautiful. We were so busy yesterday so we never had time to go and watch all the candles, so I went by my own around midnight. It was so quiet -except all the noisy people from town who were about to go to parties and shit. Other than those noises I was all alone there. Good that I've worked there last year otherwise I would never have been able to find the ways around it. It was so dark and when I was looking up at the sky you could see all the stars and some even fell. It was so peaceful and beautiful. Exactly what I needed.

On my way I found some burnt out candles and I found a matchstick so that I could lit them up again. Well...Not every single candle, I'm not a bloody miracleworker. xD But then I was able to light a candle for those who means something to me. Only you guys know about it, if my family finds out they probably would just be worried about it. That something could've happened and all that, but it just shows that they care.

Anyway, I won't sit here and talk about that only. But when I was walking there all alone, it gave me time to think about things. I'm not more sane than I was yesterday but it's on it's way. And Sarah with her sweet quotes that really means something. Thank you <3 And all of you others who read my blog and take your time to comment. ;) Thank you. It really feels good that I'm not alone and I will have you guys there. ^_^

I think I'll start write here more often, it's way more fun. xD though I miss talking to you others but I really need this I think. I need to think it over, what to do and at the same time follow what's best for me. It has been way too long and I've already ruined one relationship by being like this, blaming the other one. It's not them, the problem is me. Well, not only but mostly. I want you guys to understand that I am ok, I just need to fix my problem with myself before I can feel that I can come back to you all. But you all have to remember that you all means so much to me, even though we might not have met...yet. ^_^ But that is going to be my biggest goals in life. I want to see you all. ^^ Even though you, you mastrubating monkey. ;)

Bye you guys and remember that even though you might be all alone at the place you are at, you will never be alone completly. Cause I am there in the shadows. ;) Waiting to rape you all! O_O

Here goes

2007-11-03T10:16:00.000+01:00

I have now decided that I can't take this shit anymore. I won't be online for a couple of days cause I am so freackin tired of being this down lately. I need to get a grip about things and atleast try to be sane about it. If you don't know what I am talking about then fine I might tell you if you ask me, I don't feel all jolly to talk about it right now.

I am working so hard to make things work, to get closer to someone and I am really spending both energy, money and my time on it. And it's not that I dislike doing it it's just that I feel so unappreciated while I am doing it.

Anyways, enough about that. Nathalie and I are planning a trip to London in December and we are soon about to book the tickets. I might not be able to afford it really but I need this. Even if someone might not come I can't be arsed to care anymore. I've done what I can and if that isn't enough then fine. *shrug* I can't kiss ass forever, still I don't want to ruin something that could be so good by being stubborn.

Fuckeli fuck fuck ^_^

I know I should...

2007-10-14T12:56:00.000+01:00

I should Study I know that. But I just have to write this to you guys! Cause I've been feeling really ill today and that sucks. BUUUUUT! When I was checking through the blogs I have linked here I just got so happy. ^_^ (Thanks Sarah and Chris) *giggle* You guys makes me motivated and determined that I should be able to make this shit and stuffs. I don't really know one specific thing that the two of you wrote but fuck that! I love you guys! ^_^ You are da best in the test ^_^

Of course you others are motivating me too, no doubt about that. But sometimes you just need to read one simple thing and that is exactly what you need to hear. I just had to write that.

Besides, I am feeling better now, well at least a little. I am going to study now sir. ^_^

Bye bye <3

A blog about getting a grip

2007-10-13T18:16:00.000+01:00

When I sit here and think about what I should do with My life, I can only see one thing in my head. It’s a picture that hasn’t been taken yet, but if it were taken, it would be the loveliest and most beautiful picture in the world. It would’ve shown love, truth and happiness. All those things that matters in a person’s life and that makes a person truly happy about herself, it would’ve been so obvious.

But, what can you do to get a grip about your life? Do you get more organized or less organized? Do you learn how to see happiness in the worst possible times or do you see the realistic things instead of dream? Do you consider what you want to do with your life before you do anything at all or do you try to do things and then get beaten down cause it was wrong? Do you try to mix all of it?

For me, I’ve more and more realized what I like doing. I might not understand what I’m doing or what things I’m doing wrong, but I like doing it. I love to help people, to be there for people – making people feel better about themselves makes me have a goal in life that I could be that person. Someday. A little bit of psychology perhaps? I love to think logical, like math stuffs, equations, algebra and why not a little of everything? I am, to be honest not that good at computers but I think it’s interesting to some part so I definitely want to work with that too. To travel, I want to travel. I like to workout and stay in good shape, or at least try to. I love movies, to look at, not to produce but still… I love to be creative. What can all these things make me?

How should I be able to get a grip of my life then when I don’t know what I want to do? I’ve decided that I will see after these next courses at school. These will help me to know if I should stay or not. I hope for my own best. ^_^ I think you should consider what YOU want to do to be able to get a grip of your life. I don’t have anything else to say really.

I really feel like I want to do something else than this but at the same time I want to fight a little longer just to see what might happen. And I’ll finish all the assignments that should be done. I shall rule the world!

I’ll talk to you all soon and I truly adore you all for doing your best. I hope this made any sense at all...

No title oh fuck! O.O

2007-10-10T13:02:00.000+01:00

Lately I haven't been feeling good. I've been unsure about university - is this what I want to study etc. But right now I can't really be down. I have so much to be happy about.

1. The groupwork that I did and wrote 95% of passed! My teacher liked it and it was only one little fault he could see but we didn't have to change it cause it was only a miscalculation.
2. Nathalie is coming over today and we're going to plan a trip to London maybe in December this year. I hope so.
3. This Friday I'm going to shop with Jessica and goof around. Can't wait for that ^_^
4. I get to talk to Ciaran so much and my family knows about him and stuffs so I feel really good about it. Ahd he's one sexy mother fuckah! O.O And he is mine! ^_^
5. I'm listening to previews on iTunes for audiobooks and I just happened to find something with Dr Phil and I'm laughing my ass off. Haha. You gotta love Dr Phil. Haha. ^_^
6. I'm going to kick ass at my next assignment.
7. Last but not least I am going to attend to a meeting about studying abroad next week. Looking forward to that alot. ^_^

I hope you guys now that you all mean a lot to me. I really care for you all ^_^

Now I am going to study some!

btw. Ciaran + Ewelina = sant ^_^

A day with feelings

2007-10-04T15:14:00.000+01:00

I see you everywhere. Every person I pass have something that reminds me of you. Shoes, sunglasses, a sweater whatever. But none of them has the whole package. Not like you. You're perfect.

So, this morning I woke up and when I fixed my hair it turned out to be perfect <3 I was feeling so good and I have got myself new music to my Mp3 so everything was just great. (Thanks Sarah for The Promise - Tracy Chapman, and Magnus for the other songs). Me and my groupmembers at school finished our work and I'll finish it up and stuffs so I am very calm about that. Going to leave soon for a little workout with Body Balance - a mixture of Tai Shi, Yoga and Pilates. Love it.

So when I got home today I felt like I needed sugar and I took chocolate. I feel a little bad about that but who cares? I don't feel like I can diet right now. Besides I treated myself a good sallad today and last night. <3 I just feel so good about myself and I do wonder why... *lol* Thank you my love.

Now I am going to get going but first I have to flush my toilet before anyone gets home... *shiftyeyes*

Bye my lovelings <3

Kent - Ingenting

2007-09-28T08:55:00.001+01:00

What can I say?

2007-09-25T17:06:00.000+01:00

What can I really say except Thank you. To all of you who truly shows me that you care about me. It means a lot to me. I don't really feel so bad anymore. It's all thanks to you. Some more than others but anyways, I appreciate you all for being there. <3

I really do feel so much better. Sometimes you need to get really low to be able to get up. But as I said, without you guys, I wouldn't have made it. ^_^

Today it's my thrid day without candy and it's going really well, yet I feel I want some right now. And espacially Snickers. You know how couples have their songs, their places etc. If Ciaran and I would have candy it would be Snickers. xD Why you may ask. Well, the first time, I think it was, when I saw him on webcam he had Snickers! QQ So tasty and delicious. I want some now. But maybe it's just me wanting Ciaran. *giggle* It must be. ^_^

Anyways, mom is making waffles now. *adore* and some whipped cream on that is going to be reward for studying all day long. Yeah ALLLLLLLL day. Or not. xD But many hours today. ^_^

Oh! I got my paycheck from Wasa today. <3 It was so much more than I first thought so that is going to the trip as I might have told you before. *shiftyeyes* And today I'm writing a letter to Ciaran. I will finish it later tonight or something like that. Hope that I will be able to call him soon, I know it's expensive but I don't care. Everything for him so I can hear his voice.

But now it's foodtime. Thank you all again. You guys are lovely. <3

I really...

2007-09-23T15:16:00.000+01:00

I really don't feel good today. I stoped with candy last night and things are just feeling awful. I don't know any particular reason to my moodswings lately... My stomache has been hurting like hell back and forth, I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes cause of it. I have almost reached the bottom when it comes to my confidence in myself. I know Ciaran is busy with school and all that, and I want him to be that cause I want him to get to know as many people as possible cause I want him to enjoy it at his new school. He really get along with people so quickly and that makes me so jealous...I really do my best but the people on my class they are so...not dull but they seem to be like terrified to get to know new people... :/
I also quit eating candy now today is the first real day otherwise I quit last night. I'm really stressed too you know...

Exams coming up, me wanting to see Ciaran, me wanting my parents to know how much he means to me. Gosh this annoys me to tears and on top of this all I can't manage to get a grip of my life!

One of those good things that has happened lately is that 1. I got my paycheck from Wasa and it was like twice as much as I first thought. <3 And those money will be enough for the flight+bus in England.
2. The report is done, cause of the work I put down on it.
3. Culture Night was lovely.
4. I have Ciaran.
5. I have all of you guys <3

To be bloody honest, thinking of all the good things that have happened, makes me shine a little on the inside. No wait, not a little. A lot. :)
Now I have to write a little message to a certain Sarah and then I'll study some more. <3